she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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