wanna go halves on a baby?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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