yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
