He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
