My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
