Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize