I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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