Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
