The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
