If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
