i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
