Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
