Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
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