the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
