i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
