Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
