If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
