I think I am morally bankrupt
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize