he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
