i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
