I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
