So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
