i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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