Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
