Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
