If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i out mim tonsoeep
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