i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize