I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
