I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm passing your future prison.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
