i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
