I wanna bring you to show and tell
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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