How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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