you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
