Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
