We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
