Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize