hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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