like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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