So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize