Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
