Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
