my phone needs a breathalizer
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
