so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
