that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
