dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
