If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
