I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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