Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
