They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize