the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
