sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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