what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
