Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
