Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
