you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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