on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
