I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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