Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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