very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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