her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
