Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
