dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You're a waste of cheezeits
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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