pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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