the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
