Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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