You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
