mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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