Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
