You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
