My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
