she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
