I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
