did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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