So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
