she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
