Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
