There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
