I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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